Of the Dancing and the Dreaming
by KoolKat189
Summary: "You have three chances to successfully woo Astrid," said Stoic to Hiccup. "Three chances, so use them wisely."/ But what happens if Hiccup fails all three? Well, let's just say that he's in for a surprise. And if you're a more normal Berserker like Hiccup, not a very pleasant one...
1. Conditional Love

**Hello-o-o! It's been a while.**

 **As a writer, I've always hated my works, in a sense. But especially this series. Maybe because I can't wait to fully move on from fanfiction to my true passion, fiction writing. But, this fanfiction had been stuck in my head for a while. Thus, my first HTTYD fanfiction! Enjoy!**

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It was no secret among the Hairy Hooligan tribe that Hiccup was in love with Astrid. Granted, it was obvious when Astrid kissed Hiccup almost four years ago, but even though they kept their status on a more "friendship" level since then, Hiccup's gang may or may be have noticed those subtle sparks of love rising between Hiccup and Astrid. So they now took every opportunity to hold it against them.

Like one time after a mission when Stormfly "sprained" her wing and Hiccup offered Astrid a ride with him and Toothless as a substitute. Fishlegs, who analyzed the wing (After getting nearly spiked by Stormfly), claimed that there wasn't any particular sprain and first suggested that it was all an excuse for the couple to spend some time alone with each other. Hiccup later disavowed his involvement in that.

Or that other time when Snotlout walked in on Hiccup and Astrid murmuring and smiling tenderly to each other while digging for Snaptrapper eggs together ("Excuse me, are you guys gonna proceed making out, or can we keep digging?!")

And above all, his dreamy lovey-dovey eyes that the twins kept teasing Hiccup about every time he turned his gaze onto Astrid nowadays. Hiccup didn't say anything, but at the same time he wasn't denying anything.

But who better to interpret those strange signals from Hiccup other than his own father?

Which is why one night in the Great Hall, Stoic dropped by. "Find me in your room," he whispered to Hiccup, who was gathered with his friends.

Five minutes later, Hiccup joined his father, who was eagerly waiting at Hiccup's work desk.

"Heeey, Dad!" Hiccup was happy tonight, a little too happy even. He stumbled over his feet trying to get to his dad. "What brings you here? _Hic-_ excuse me."

Stoic raised his eyebrows. "I see. You've been drinking tonight."

"What? No, no, no," Hiccup defended himself. "Okay, just a pinch."

Stoic kept his eyebrows raised. "No offense, son, but a pinch could knock a fishbone like you out."

"I'm fine!" Hiccup insisted. "I just…okay, okay, Snotlout dared me to take _two_ pinches today, but seriously, I'm all right. And," he added in a more serious tone, "I'm of age."

"And of course, he's of age," Stoic sighed to himself. "Of _course,_ you're of age. You're a man already. Which reminds me what I want to talk to you about."

"That's great, Da, because I wanted to talk to you too. It's about-"

"Astrid," Stoic cut in.

"-Astrid," Hiccup said at the same time.

Stoic nodded. "Good. I see we're on the same page, son. More accurately, it's about you and your-"

"Relationship with her, I know," Hiccup said. "But hear me out first, Pop. I love Astrid. I love her more than anything in the world. We've known each other for years, and we're on really good terms. But I want to take our relationship to the next level. I…I think…I think I want to marry her!" Hiccup burst out.

Stoic chortled. "And about time, too. Me and your mum got married a little younger than you. Considering the average marriage age back then was 13-15."

"Okay, first of all, bleh." Hiccup made a face. "These days are over. We're a little more independent now."

"Yes, I can't imagine you marrying at 15," Stoic said, laughing. Hiccup's face fell: he had a bad rep with everyone that time.

Then took his son by the shoulders and looked at him admiringly "But seeing you, son, you've grown handsome, smart, and confident– perfect marriage material."

Hiccup laughed in relief. "Oh, that's good. Any tips on how to propose to a girl?"

"Well, you can't just propose to her. I mean, you're obviously courting her right now, and that's a good start – but you need to make it official. Have you heard of the Three Trials?"

"Oh, gods, there's a condition for proposals?" Hiccup groaned.

Stoic continued, "First, as the chief's son, you have three chances to woo your Astrid. Traditionally, all the men in the tribe know about this trial but not the girl. You know, to make the wooing more spontaneous. How you woo her is up to you – just do anything to get Astrid's attention and please her. A witness has to be there to see that the girl is blown away by you. And then you pop the question to her and the rest is history. But you only have three tries, Hiccup, so use them wisely."

"Then what happens if I fail?" Hiccup said warily.

Stoic shrugged. "Usually sons of chiefs don't fail those three tries."

"Yes, but there's a 'three-tries-only' policy, so there has to be a catch to this if I fail, right?"

Stoic hesitated. "I don't think I'm the type of guy to ask… but don't worry." He clapped his hand onto Hiccup's back before heading off. "You'll be fine, son. You'll think up of something."

"Da-a-ad, why does this sound like you're hiding something from me?" Hiccup cried. Toothless, who was napping at Hiccup's side, gurgled as though sensing Hiccup's stress. _What's wrong, twolegs master? Is your father being a prick in your side again?_

"Uh, you can ask Gobber. If you want to know the truth," Stoic said, more sincerely.

"Which still doesn't answer the question!" Hiccup called out to Stoic's disappearing back. He looked at Toothless and smiled hopelessly. "Well, I need to pick up my engagement ring from Gobber tomorrow, anyways. Let's get some shuteye before then, old bud, 'kay?"

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 **\- Review? Maybe some constructive criticism?**

 **Ko0lkat ^.^**


	2. Real Vikings

The next morning Hiccup came by to pick up the rings from whom other than Gobber at the smithy.

"I'm guessin' yer father left it to me to show you the official wooing ritual should you fail the Three Trials," Gobber spoke before Hiccup could even ask him. He shook his head as if he was going to regret this. "Hold me mead and observe me, Hiccup."

Hiccup and Toothless jumped when Gobber unexpectedly leapt into the air, yelling and waving his prosthetic axe-hand above his head in a sort of jig. He sang:

 _Oh, I'm one Viking man,_

 _I'm the chief of my own clan,_

 _I crushed a Hotburple's skull at five-_

"No, not you, not you!" Gobber said quickly when his Hotburple dragon Grump perked up his head. "I'll have to revise that part here." And he continued,

 _I captured a troll_

 _And ate it alive!_

 _I'd move mountains_

 _Part the icy sea,_

 _I'd do anything,_

 _So be my wifey-wife for me!_

 _Yoo-hoo-hoo, slap me bum!_

[Slap bum cheek here]

 _Listen to me serenade,_

 _Cream-colored maid,_

 _While on my instrument I strum!_

[Slap other cheek here]

 _My fierce Viking lassy,_

 _Bear my infants, please Valhalla!_

 _Keep the house tidy and cleaned,_

 _While me muscles_

 _Strike a dragon fiend!_

 _Yoo-hoo-hoo!_

 _Let me protect you,_

 _Let me love and kiss you!_

Here Gobber mimed forcefully kissing Grump, who growled and reared back. Toothless stared at Gobber's unorthodox behavior. Hiccup was so struck dumb that he didn't hear his friends rolling on the ground from laughter behind. Even funnier to them was the thought that-

"I'll have to _sing_ that?" Hiccup cried.

When everyone calmed down enough and Gobber caught his breath, he spoke. "Whew! Haven't been this out of shape since I wooed me Greta!"

 _Oh. So he had to concede to that rule in his days, too?_ Hiccup thought.

"But yes," Gobber said apologetically. "Sorry Hiccup. But we don't break tradition."

"But why would anyone be subjected to this torture?"

"'Cuz when ye fail to woo a lady three times, Hiccup, it's meant to show yer neither dominant enough nor true Viking material. But I wouldn't worry too much! If the lady loves you, she'll accept you no matter what."

Hiccup didn't answer. He trudged towards Toothless, alighted and forcefully steered him into the sky while the loud guffaws of his friends lingered in his ears.

At least Astrid herself wasn't there to see the serenade.

 _Hmm, where was she, by the way?_ Hiccup made a mental note to find out later…when he wasn't in such a foul mood.

Toothless didn't like Hiccup's attitude, nor his forceful treatment of him, and he made sure to convey that to him by turning his head and glowering at him.

"Sorry, buddy." He patted Toothless's head. "But I can't propose to Astrid like that. It's the Haddock pride coming out in me, I guess."

Toothless cocked his head, flapped his ears a bit and gurgled. _I will help master if it makes him happy again! I will do anything for master!_

At least, that's how Hiccup assumed Toothless communicated with him.

"You're right, bud. I just need to up my game, brainstorm some ideas…"

"O-o-oi! Hiccup!"

Hiccup tried not to roll his eyes as he recognized the voice behind him. "Sorry, Fishlegs, I need alone time to brush up on my dancing and singing skills…not that you'd want to see a fishbone dance, I think," Hiccup said with his signature snark.

Meatlug flapped Fishlegs closer to Hiccup and Toothless. "No fear, Hiccup! I'm gonna offer you my help to woo Astrid!"

Hiccup raised his brows, prompting Fishlegs to continue. "Listen: take Astrid to see the sunset on some edge of the island."

"Yeah, yeah, we do have charming sunsets," Hiccup said thoughtfully. "But like my dad once said, you know you've successfully wooed a girl when she is visibly pleased." Hiccup frowned. "And Astrid is one tough nut to please. Yeah, Fishlegs, I don't think sunsets are aesthetically pleasing to Astrid."

"Wait! There's more," Fishlegs said. "So just take Astrid to view a sunset. Give her any excuse. I, being knowledgeable in my dragon classes, will unleash a flock of Terrible Terrors to take to the sky right near you. Colorful, scaly, _beautiful_ Terrors flying across the sunset that will fit the aesthetic picture of a romantic moment."

"Are you _sure_ Astrid will like this?" Hiccup said skeptically.

"Trust me! Have you ever seen a bunch of Terrors in the sky? They're like…poetry in motion. Even I cried a manly tear!" Fishlegs sniffed as though to prove his point.

"How are you gonna get the Terrors coming this way?"

"Trust me, I got this under control."

Hiccup thought for a minute. "It'll have to do," he said. "But I'm counting on you, Fishlegs." Then it hit him. "Wait. There's a catch to your offer, right?"

"Just promise me that if you marry Astrid, I will be your first man at the wedding!" Fishlegs pleaded.

"If this plan works."

"Whether it works or not," Fishlegs corrected.

Hiccup would've been annoyed, but upon reconsidering, he _did_ need a first man. And Fishlegs seemed the least troublesome of his gang.

Hiccup stuck out his hand over Toothless. "It's a deal."

"Where are we going, now?" Astrid asked again irritably as Stormfly flapped after Toothless. "Why did you call me out here?"

Hiccup, atop of Toothless, looked around warily. All he needed was a good sunny spot on the cliff to perch on and wait till the Terrors completed the romantic scene. He was so busy worrying about finding a spot with a good view that he didn't script what excuses to tell her.

"I, uh…we..need to find a place to-" Toothless unexpectedly dropped a few meters down from the air. Nothing to worry about; it only meant that Toothless's wing was tiring out and cramping after a long day of flying.

"- to help Toothless's strained wing," he concluded lamely.

As though to prove Hiccup's point, Toothless flapped extra hard, dropped again, and gurgled as though in pain.

 _Good ol' Toothless, covering for me,_ Hiccup thought fondly.

"We can settle over here." Astrid pointed to a ledge.

"No!" Hiccup burst out. _That one blocks the view of the sunset._ "I mean, I was thinking, what about this one?" Hiccup pointed to another ledge he thought looked good.

Astrid scowled. "Okay, whatever, but quickly, so I can keep an eye out for those Terrible Terrors." Fishlegs, being the expert in dragon behavior, told the gang that today was the day of the Terrible Terror migration, which could be potentially harmful if a flock flew into Berk. Thus, each member of the gang had to split up and keep post in different places in case that happened.

Of course, it was all a cover-up for Hiccup's plan. The real migration wasn't happening in another few weeks.

While Hiccup pretended to dig into his saddle pack for something for Toothless's faux hurt wing, he wondered what on earth was taking Fishlegs so long. Fishlegs said they would arrive shortly…

"Here…" Astrid shoved Hiccup out of the way and proceeded digging for the balm herself. When she didn't find it, she threw the pack aside. "Can you guys cope without it?"

"Sorry, bud, I guess I forgot," Hiccup said to Toothless, smiling sheepishly. "How about we rest a little, ol' bud?" _Good. A better excuse for waiting._ He quickly changed the subject. "That's a really nice sunset, by the way…"

"-This sounds bad, Hiccup," Astrid proceeded, not hearing Hiccup. "How can we watch out for the Terrible Terrors if Toothless can't fly? They could come from anywere!"

A scream broke through the air. A high-pitched, piercing scream. It sounded like,

"Fishlegs!" Hiccup leapt up and tried to peer through the sunset's rays ahead. A small, darkly multi-colored cloud was approaching them, which looked comprised of tiny dots the closer it came.

 _The Terrible Terrors._

Astrid leapt into action. "There!" she cried. "Let's tell the others-"

"No, wait!" Hiccup grabbed Astrid. "Look, aren't they beautiful?" But upon closer introspection, the scene looked anything but. Instead of gracefully flying in one pack through the sunset, they look scattered, disorganized. Even threatening in a big flock. Like attacker birds.

"Are you out of your mind?!" Astrid jerked away and looked at Hiccup in bewilderment. "We have to warn everyone!"

 _This must be a mistake,_ Hiccup thought, panicked. But Astrid was already astride on Stormfly. A figure approached the two closer, who turned out to be a screaming Fishlegs coming to them on Meatlug.

"Hiccup-!" he gasped. "Abort mission! I repeat, abort mission! They – I couldn't do it – they were angry-"

What the heck Fishlegs did to provoke the Terrible Terrors, Hiccup couldn't find out now. All he knew was, mission failed, and danger ahead.

"Astrid, you warn the gang!" Hiccup commanded, hopping onto Toothless. "Fishlegs, warn the villagers, tell them to close all entrances, gates, EVERYTHING. I'll distract the Terrible Terrors." The chief's son took off into the air. He was headed for the food storage, where an entire casket of fish were kept. The Terrible Terrors loved fish. They could also be more easily dealt with when they were fed. The gang's dragons could then tell the placate Terrors to _please_ go their own way.

The buzz of Terrors loomed closer, but Hiccup wasn't too worried. Countless times he dealt with rogue dragons, appeased, and befriended them. No, he wasn't so stressed out about Terrible Terrors as the failed wooing attempt.

 _Strike one!_


	3. The Fishing Fishbone

Terrible Terrors used to be the pests of the season. They'd intrude into houses through openings and windows, which is why the villagers needed to be warned.

Luckily, Hiccup's improv plan went off without a hitch, and soon Berk was de-Terrored overnight.

When Hiccup did finally come to ask Fishlegs what kind of stint he pulled off back at the Terrors' nest, his response was, "I told Meatlug t-to herd them to down east but they got all unruly…I'm sorry, Hiccup…"

"Oh, gods," Hiccup muttered resignedly. He should've trusted his instincts: he knew the whole idea was stupid from the start.

And when Stoic knew about the attempt, all he said was, "Ask Gothi," in response to whether Hiccup's attempt could be considered valid.

Gothi was the witness for Hiccup's three trials. Even though she wasn't present at the scene, as the soothsayer, she appeared to know exactly what happened before Hiccup opened his mouth. Gothi wordlessly shook her head at the young chief's son. She refused to lift Hiccup off his first penalty.

So Hiccup was left to his own devices. He was going to think up of a second attempt while he gave Toothless a long-needed wash in his stable.

"Move to your left, bud – a'right." Hiccup pulled the rope that held the bucket of water, releasing it over Toothless's body. Toothless grunted and shook himself off: he didn't like particularly care for showers.

As Hiccup brought over a stool and scrub to wash Toothless's scaly skin, a voice sounded in the rafters above.

"Hiccup…"

"Odin help me," Hiccup muttered. He recognized that voice immediately.

"Yes, it is I, Odin," the voice continued. "And I have come to help you- AHH!" A spurt of fire spouted in the air, followed by the drop of a bulky figure from the rafters onto the ground in front of Hiccup.

THUMP.

"What a … pleasant surprise," Hiccup said with languor at seeing Snotlout drop in on a surprise visit, literally speaking. "What brings you here?"

But Snotlout first rubbed his sore spots and didn't answer.

"Stupid reptile!" he shouted at Hookfang, who was hiding in the rafters. The fire on the dragon's scales was extinguishing itself, which led Hiccup to think that he set his owner on fire.

"I'm guessing Hookfang doesn't like Odin," Hiccup said jokingly.

Snotlout picked himself up and brushed himself off one last time. "Stupid dragon still thinks lighting his owner on fire is considered, 'playtime,'" Snotlout asserted. "But yes, I came because I have an offer to make about your, erm, dilemma, Hiccup."

Hiccup tried not to roll his eyes.

"So what is it?" he finally said. With vigor he scrubbed scrub extra-hard into Toothless's side.

Snotlout picked up a stick to scribble in the dusty ground. "So we all know you're a spiny little fishbone-"

"Hey!" Hiccup said. "At least I'm a little handsome-"

"-in a good way," Snotlout continued impatiently. "But look, my point is, compared to me, your physique is very…" Snotlout gestured up and down. " _slim._ You're the brains kind of guy around here." Snotlout then then showed his muscle on his arm. "And then there's me, the brawny type."

"Snotlout, Snotlout, oi, oi, oi," Hiccup said dully. "There, you happy now?"

"Anyways," Snotlout continued, "if you want to impress Astrid, you might want to impress her with your brainaic self, right?"

"Where are you going with this?"

"So let's put it to a test of brains vs. brawn. Except that Mr. Brains, of course, wins." Snotlout smirked with satisfaction.

"You mean, like, a fake showdown?"

"Indeed. The fishing machine just broke, and Stoic is searching for fishers as substitutes till it's fixed."

"Aren't fishermen usually the brawny ones like you?"

"Precisely. What do brainy ones do? They fix stuff."

It didn't take long for Hiccup to process what Snotlout meant.

"You want me to fix the machine," Hiccup said slowly. "Well, I can try. I've had an apprenticeship with Gobber, but I can't guarantee…"

"So I will pretend to volunteer as fisherman. Everyone will cheer me on, the girls will throw me flowers-" (Here Hiccup snorted) "-and as I'm manually hauling fish up with my bare hands, you'll be all, 'Oh, no, Snotlout, _this_ is the way to do it'- and then you'll use the machine that you fixed to haul up an even bigger share of fish." Snotlout smirked with satisfaction at his own plan. "So, what do you think of my plan?"

Hiccup considered. Granted, it wasn't a plan he would ever think up of, but what else could he do?

"What's the catch?" he finally said.

"That you will let me be the speaker at your wedding."

Hiccup's mind raced over all the atrocious stories Snotlout would spin about him.

" _If_ the plan succeeds," Hiccup finished.

"Hey, hey." Snotlout put up his hands. "You don't trust me? Oh, okay, if that's how you're going to play, I've leave, then. Okay? Good. I'm leaving, now. Like _now_ now…" Snotlout strutted out of the stable. But a minute later he came back in resignation. "Okay, okay, Hiccup. I need you to win over Astrid for me so you can let me be the speaker." He stuck out his hand. "Deal?"

It took a while, but with help from fellow villagers, Hiccup finally repaired the fishing machine. Now Hiccup only had to wait, when Astrid and Snotlout got into the scene…

"Check this out, Astrid!" Snotlout called proudly when Astrid swooped overhead with her dragon. Snotlout promptly cast the net into the water with his machine, and after much extra-loud grunting and straining, he pulled out an entire net of fish. "See?" he said proudly. With a smug expression on his face, he leaned back against the machine and smacked his hands free of the job.

"Not so fast!" with the help of Toothless, Hiccup wheeled his own fish catcher over the cliff and just above sea level. "I've updated the catcher so that…" he divulged into some technical explanation of the machine.

Astrid and Snotlout's eyes glazed over before Hiccup had even finished, but Hiccup got the gist and quickly concluded with a, "Let me demonstrate." He tried to turn on the machine, but no result.

"What the-" Hiccup looked over the machine and walked around it to see the source of the problem. One of the crucial ropes in it had been severed.

Hiccup's forehead heated up with embarrassment. How did he not see that?

Snotlout seemed to notice, because he loudly said to Astrid, "Um, I'd better go check on Hiccup…see what he's got in that melon of his." He knocked on his head before skirting over to Hiccup. He whispered, "Well, I didn't want you to get _too_ confident…"

"You sabotaged my machine?!" Hiccup yelled. He rarely yelled, actually – he was usually a good sport – but mostly he was angry because he _knew_ he shouldn't have trusted Snotlout on this.

"Hey, it you mean by "sabotage", I meant to sabotage it just a little bit!" Snotlout shot back. "I didn't want you to get too far ahead of me, _Brainiac."_

"'Brainiac'? 'A little bit'?" Hiccup stuttered, seething. Stupid, stupid, stupid! It was all Snotlout's fault that now he looked bad in Astrid's eyes now. As though to make a statement, Hiccup shoved Snotlout out of his way.

Hiccup then felt an even greater force shove him from behind. He stumbled to the ground, causing him eye-to-eye with a towering Snotlout.

"Look, I said I'm sorry!" Snotlout shouted. "What more do you want?"

Toothless, always the protective one of his master, came slithering in front of Hiccup and screeched at Snotlout. Snotlout staggered back.

"Okay, okay, you know what? I digress," Snotlout snapped. "But you can always start over, Hiccup, so don't make a fuss about it."

"I can't! You know I can't! You ruined my second chance!" Hiccup protested.

"Oops…well, I didn't know?" Snotlout glowered, perhaps because of the guilt of hijacking any slight hope of Hiccup's chance – if the beefy young man ever did feel any guilt. But instead of apologizing, he picked up a fish and brandished it at Hiccup's face. "And you, you little fishbone, don't know how to forgive with grace, don't you?"

"Why are you _acting_ like this?" Hiccup said in desperation. "I thought I told you…"

Astrid was watching the two young fellows' bickering grow louder and louder.

"If you two are so concerned about fish," she hollered at them, "then maybe you could just, I dunno, _shut up?!_ Get the dragons to pull the fish nets! Don't just start up petty fights!"

Hiccup and Snotlout didn't respond.

"Men," Astrid muttered, facepalming. She turned to Stormfly. "Stormfly, girl, are you able to tolerate a little water?"

Hiccup and Snotlout were still on edge when suddenly, a cascade of fish bombarded them from above.

"ARRRRGGH!" Hiccup and Snotlout stepped back and away. Above them, a sopping wet Stormfly had showered an entire mouthful of fish onto them.

"You numbskulls!" Astrid came running up to them. "Among all the ways we could catch fish and you guys can't agree on which method to use!"

"He hijacked my machine!" Hiccup said.

"Um, in my defense, you could always _fix it!_ " Snotlout shot back. "Besides, what can't muscles not do!" He showed off his muscles, which tempted Astrid, as usual, to throw up again.

"But that wasn't the point!" Hiccup hissed.

"Both of you suck!" Astrid said. "FYI, we have dragons here, remember?" She turned to the shore, where Toothless, Stormfly and Hookfang all dove into the water and caught fish to put in the nets.

Well, on the brighter side, as least Berk won't be hungry all winter, now that they got dragons to be their fishers. Later, Stoic decreed, they needed use Scauldrons for commodity, who were more adept at the job. On the down side, Hiccup knew, it might be time for him to brush up on his singing and dancing skills now.

Gothi, being the ever-present witness of the failed wooing attempt, checked off the 2nd wooing attempt off the list.

* * *

 **\- Wanted Snotlout to present a more atrocious part in the wedding in exchange for his "help" (Well, we saw how that turned out), but I couldn't think of anything so I said he wanted to speak at Hiccup's wedding. Because imagine Snotlout, on complimenting the wedded couple, spinning up the darnedest things about Hiccup and Astrid.**

 **\- Review? :)**

 **Koolkat**


	4. Baby You're a Firework

Snotlout and Hiccup didn't make contact since then. More likely, Snotlout was the one avoiding Hiccup. He could often be found in the Arena, perfecting his sheep launcher in time for the next Dragon Racing Games which were in a week.

"And he says that _he_ isn't the 'brains' one," Hiccup muttered to Astrid. He gestured for Bucket and Mulch to haul in the rings closer to him for better proximity.

"Yes, but if this was a competition, Snotlout originally meant to slow down your machine to not make it look so easy on you," Astrid pointed out.

"Whose side are you on, anyways?" Hiccup huffed.

"Hey, hey," Astrid said in defense. "I didn't say I approve of what Snotlout has done. He's immoral, irresponsible, lazy, dishonest-" Hiccup couldn't help swelling with pride at Astrid's jibes, "-but in the end, he genuinely didn't mean to hijack your work." Astrid furrowed her eyebrows. "And were you two so worked up about it, anyways? You know better than anyone not to trust Snotlout, of all people."

"Because I was desperate and I wanted to catch your attention to impress so that I may have the privilege of proposing to you and marrying you," Hiccup wanted to say. But instead, he shrugged it off with a, "Oh, never mind," and turned his attention on his mental to-do list in preparation of the Games. "Where are the twins, anyways?" he asked aloud.

Mulch, who was wiping his brow from the strenuous job, peered around. "Haven't seen them all day," he said. "Ye might want to go where the crackling is, though." True to his word, a faint stream of exploding sounds came from the other side of the island.

"I'll just have to fetch them myself, then," Hiccup said.

When Hiccup arrived on his dragon, he expected the unexpected, but this time he nearly fell off Toothless.

Ruffnut and Tuffnut were setting fireworks alight and scattered out of the way when they whizzed into the air and released colorful sparks and flames. One half-lit sparkler whizzed around before bumping into Tuffnut's butt. He gave a yelp and ran around in pain with one hand over his behind while Ruffnut guffawed at the scene. When Tuffnut pulled himself together, he grabbed Ruffnut by the horns on her helmet and shoved them over her eyes. She shouted something inaudible in protest and bowled herself onto Tuffnut and furiously rammed the punches into him. Toothless hovered out of reach of the fireworks, but when the twins finally took a quick break from their scuffle, he alighted.

"You guys have _fireworks?"_ Hiccup burst out in surprise. The twins, having caught sight of Hiccup, looked up from the ground. Ruffnut slid off Tuffnut as both got back on their feet.

"Yeah? So?" Ruffnut smirked.

Tuffnut swaggered over to Hiccup as though he had a huge secret. "We're not gonna tell you where we got them, if that's what you wanna know."

Hiccup was tempted to ask. They probably snagged them from Johann the trader, or even smuggled them from China for all he cared. But he was here on business. "Tuff, Ruff, you're wanted to help us prepare for the Games."

"But we were so busy building these babies," Tuffnut said, fondly stroking a particularly big pile of fireworks.

"We got the rest in there," Ruffnut said slyly, pointing her thumb at the cave behind her. "See? Lots of work."

Hiccup shrugged. "Fine, but the preparation would only speed up if you guys helped." He knew how much the twins loved the Games with all its dirty tricks and few rules.

"We _are_ helping," Tuffnut said shortly. He bent down to work on another firework. "We will set off the fireworks before the Games. We put a lot of sweat, blood and tears into those things, okay?" Tuffnut looked accusingly at Hiccup.

 _When was the last time the Hairy Hooligans liked fireworks?_ Hiccup thought. _Well, whatever, I'll leave that to them then._ However, one thing couldn't leave his mind.

"Where did you guys get those?" he said curiously. "Gun powder isn't even remotely near Berk."

"Who cares where we got it from?" Ruffnut growled.

"If you guys stole anything," Hiccup warned. "I just want to make sure I'm not responsible for your problems."

The twins exchanged furtive glances. Then Tuffnut stepped forward. "Us? Problem?" he smirked. "It looks like Mr. Single Pringle is the one with problems. Buuuut," he added, " _we_ think," he gestured to himself and his twin, "we have a solution."

Hiccup couldn't refrain from groaning. Trust the _twins?!_

"Toothless, let's get out of here," he said. As if Snotlout wasn't bad enough, he couldn't imagine involving the twins into his plan of wooing Astrid.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Tuffnut yelled at Hiccup, running over. "Can we at least try to show you how it's done?"

"And if you don't like it, you can leave _allll_ you want," Ruffnut said smoothly.

"Fine, what is it," Hiccup grumbled.

"Ooh, so harsh," Tuffnut said in mock-sadness. But Tuffnut was being strangely cooperative today, and he arranged some fireworks in particular order before alighting on Belch. "Sister, you do the honors first," he said to her politely.

Ruff looked like she wanted to punch her brother, but she complied. She made Barf stoop low enough to breathe out his fumes on the bottoms of the firework strings, while Belch triggered the spark of fire that spread towards where the fumes were. The fireworks shot up into the air, one by one, until they formed the following words in mid-air:

RUFFNUT IZ NUTS

"He-e-ey!" Ruffnut growled at Tuffnut. "You didn't tell me what this was going to spell!" She hopped off Barf and grabbed her brother by his front shirt. This would've slipped into another fight had Hiccup not said loudly, "Well, thank you for the spectacular show, then. I guess I'd better be going."

Ruffnut eyed her brother one last time before dropping him and stomping towards Hiccup.

"What? You didn't get the _point?_ " she said.

"I thought you were smarter than that, Hiccup," Tuffnut called out from the ground.

The twins exchanged further glances before Ruffnut said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Okay. Let's change it up. How about we replace "Ruffnut is a loonyhead' with 'O Astrid, love of my life, will you _marry_ me?'"

That's when it clicked for Hiccup.

"So that was the plan all along?"

"What?" Tutffnut said. "Didn't our fireworks go off without a hitch? What did we put in all this work for?"

"Hang on, I need to think," Hiccup said, holding his head. This was all happening so quickly.

"Take all the time you need!" Ruffnut shouted below him as he and Toothless swept off flying into the safety of the clouds.

Once Hiccup made sure he was out of earshot, he bent over towards Toothless. "What do you think, bud? I mean, I know they're the twins and all, but hey, is proposing with fireworks such a bad idea?"

Toothless made a throaty sound as though he was upchucking air, and he shook himself off a little. It could've meant anything, but because he didn't think of the twins very highly, he could've cared less.

 _You're on your own, Master Twolegs._

"Oh, come on," Hiccup said in exasperation. "This is my last chance! But I mean, they're the _twins._ Can I really trust them?" Hiccup then furrowed his eyebrows.

 _I could make sure they won't hijiack anything._

Hiccup turned his dragon around.

"All right, all right," he called out to the twins. "I will take on your proposal."

The twins exchanged looks and snickered with glee.

"But," Hiccup said, on one condition."

"Screw conditions, screw the order!" shouted Tuffnut rebelliously while Ruffnut pretentiously groaned.

"I get to oversee every process of the plan," Hiccup finished.

The twins shrugged, then huddled together as though to counsel among themselves whether Hiccup's plan was really worth the trouble. Berf and Belch also bent their heads in, as though to overhear on the plan.

"All right." Tuffnut punched his fist into his palm. "We – and the dragons – say yes. But we too have a condition."

 _Oh, dear,_ thought Hiccup. Maybe it wasn't too late to back out.

"That we will be allowed the release the fireworks on your wedding day," Ruffnut said.

"That's it?"

"That's what I said, Hiccup," Ruffnut said, rubbing her knuckles against her shoulder in a nonchalant manner.

This surprised Hiccup. They were usually the ones to suggest something that involved pain.

Or maybe they were already hyped for the Dragon Games and just wanted to dispose of their fireworks with style.

"Deal."

* * *

"Don't you see this sign here?" Tuffnut held up his crudely drawn construction sign. "It says, 'Keep off the roped area!' Now scat!" Tuffnut shooed Mulch and Bucket away, who were attempting to cross over the restricted area, with his hands.

"What exactly is yer point?" Mulch said suspiciously, squinting at the strange lettering on the sign. The twins, it was known, were pretty illiterate. But he never knew it was _this_ bad.

"Speak for yourself," Tuffnut scoffed. "See? Sign, ropes – a desire for personal space! Now go!"

Hiccup stepped across the line himself to look at all the fireworks the twins have set up for today. "Wow, you guys, keep it u-" Next second, the world slipped under his feet and he was on his back, staring at the twins above him.

"He means you too," Ruffnut said huskily. Hiccup brushed himself off.

"Hey, weren't I supposed to check up on your work?" Hiccup said, disgruntled.

"Yeah, are you gonna keep yabberin', or you gonna let us finish first?" Ruffnut drawled. "Geez! If I had a coin every time someone paid me to do their work for them…I'd still have a coin left."

So Hiccup left the twins to their own business while he searched for Astrid. It was important that he find her so that he knew she was watching the show in the sky.

He didn't have long to search.

"Oh, there you are," Astrid huffed as she stormed up to Hiccup. "Stormfly and I've been hauling rings for hours! Where were you?"

Hiccup stuttered for an answer, but before he got much farther, Astrid's voice rose in bemusement.

"Is that – is that- that – the twins? Were they here all that time?! Why didn't you tell me, Hiccup?" With renewed fury she stormed over to them.

"Astrid, no, no, please, you don't understand…" Hiccup out of desperation tried to block her way, but to no avail. It was like that time when Hiccup tried to explain to his father that Toothless was a good dragon who tried to protect him back at that training ring years ago.

"Oh, don't tell me you're siding with the twins, now!" Astrid growled. She continued storming towards the twins, probably to tan their hides for not showing up for work today.

Hiccup mentally facepalmed. "You got this wrong, Astrid, I'm not siding with anyone!"

"Then what is going on?" She stopped momentarily in frustration. Hiccup thought quickly. If he lied, which he was terrible at doing anyways, Astrid would see through him, uncover the plan, and then tan _both_ Hiccup's and the twins' hides.

So Hiccup decided to be honest.

"A surprise."

"What kind?"

"For the Dragon Racing games." Here Hiccup lied, but hopefully Astrid wouldn't notice. "You know how the twins are really enthusiastic about it. They've been dying to do this."

"…and for the last, I said stay out of the-! Oh…" Tuffnut's voice lowered when he saw the next trespasser being his pet chicken. Since he treated Chicken with utmost respect, he lifted his pet up under his armpit and with the other hand he pointed two fingers at his own eyes and then at Hiccup's, as though to indicate that Hiccup better do a good job of keeping their plan a secret.

Hiccup shrugged. "See? Astrid, you know what a fuss they'll make if you disrupt anything…"

"All right, all right, all right! Fine!" Astrid broke a twig – a thick one – over her knee and led Stormfly away. The last thing Hiccup wanted to do now was to convince a fiery Astrid to stay near the Dragon Arena. So he scrambled over to the twins. "Guys, when will you be-"

"Re- _lax,_ fishbone." Tuffnut placed the last firework into place before brushing off his hands. "I still call bull on your current payment, though…" But now Tuffnut was positively leaping with excitement as Hiccup underwent the final checks on the fireworks, quickly before Astrid completely disappeared in the other direction. Though maybe in Astrid's current disposition, it wasn't _the_ best time. "Ya ready, sis?"

"As though you had to ask." Clearly, Ruff was savoring every moment. "Barf!"

In response, one of the heads of the two-headed dragon stooped down low and gently breathed green gas down onto the ground, where the release strings were, on one section of the fireworks.

"Now!"

All it took was one little spark from Belch's end; the gas caught on fire and immediately spread across the ground where the gas was. Almost instantly the fireworks whizzed into the air to make some astounding popping noises (to catch Astrid's attention) before forming the words,

ASTRID, I LUVV YOU.

The twins' and Hiccup's cheer rippled through the dusky air. Hiccup felt the cool wave of relief, for surely he was doing something right, right?

"Release the next round!" he called to the twins. Right away they sent off another message into the air:

YOU ARE THE LITE OF MY LIFE.

Hiccups cringed. Hopefully Astrid will look through the mistake, if she saw this.

"That one was spelled wrong, just so you know," Hiccup called out over the fireworks.

Ruff shrugged half-guiltily. "We are trying, Hiccup!" And the dragons released the last batch.

ASTID, WIL U MARY MY

The real message was supposed to be, of course, "Will you marry me?"

Abort, abort, abort!" Hiccup shouted. The twins looked over at him.

"You've been spelling it all wrong, you've- oh, never mind!" Hiccup stormed away from the scene of the fireworks. No freaking _way_ was he proposing to Astrid like an illiterate troll.

The twins looked at each other curiously. If Hiccup was out of the game, did that mean…?

"Let's do it!" Tuff announced.

With a mischievous cackle, Ruff quickly arranged more fireworks for him to release, so now it finished the other sentence and it spelled,

BROTHER?

HE ISS A WIMWAD AND A TROLL AND REEELLY BAD SPPELER

I WANNA GET RID OF HIM SO BAD-

"Heyyy, that wasn't part of the plan!" Tuff yelled, throwing down the piles of fireworks when he read the messages above.

"Too late." Ruff patted his cheek in a patronizing way. "Mr. Groom-to-be."

Tuff yelled with fury and grabbed her by the neck so roughly that she fell backwards with her brother toppling onto her. They were still beating each other up to a bloody pulp on the ground when,

"Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you?"

The twins untangled themselves; towering above them was Astrid. She must've noticed the fireworks after all, because she looked pretty insulted.

"Heheh…" Ruff gasped.

'H-Hiccup did it," Tuff protested. "He came up with the idea! I swear!"

"Likely story." Astrid grabbed both twins by the scruffs. "Hiccup doesn't spell like a troll. And-" she pulled them closer to her face. "I'd rather marry a troll than you."

She started the slugging by clonking both the twins' heads against each other.

* * *

 **Soooo...review? :)**

 **KoolKat**


	5. If You Will Marry Me

"I'm sorry, Hiccup, but you're on your own. Rules are rules," Gobber said flatly when he heard the familiar clanking of Hiccup's leg approaching his smithy.

"But you've got to," Hiccup said. "C'mon, Gobber, there must be a loophole to those outdated rules somewhere…"

"Look at the bright side! You're not the only one who is bound to those rules! Astrid has to take crash courses on how to be a housewife."

"What?!"

"What 'what'? Didn't you forget she's a woman who will get married one day? To you, if you're willing to go through with this."

"I just…I can never in my life imagine her as the 'housewife' type."

Gobber shrugged. "Duly noted. Nearly ripped the house apart when one o' the village lasses tried to teach her sewin'." He chortled. "Wonder how she's doing now."

"…yoo-hoo-hoo, slap me bum!" Snotlout and Tuff howled in the background. This time they overdid themselves, not only slapping both sides of their cheeks but also shaking their rears at Hiccup.

Hiccup walked past them with a deadpan face. Fine. If he was to court like a loser who couldn't woo a girl three consecutive times, then at least he could still win her over _gracefully_.

He'd have to improvise on the 'slap your bum cheek' part. Yeah, that would make his job a whole lot easier.

But the song was still terribly sexist. And cheesy. What a way to make her day worse when she's already struggling with being a housewife, only for him to waltz in with this song…

Hiccup frowned, shook his head and buried his face into his hands. No, Astrid and he shouldn't have to suffer such humiliation! If he was a loser at wooing, couldn't he be a more graceful one?

"Toothless?" he said uncertainly. "The rules said to sing a courting song…but they didn't state exactly _which_ song…right?"

* * *

"Son of a troll halfling!"

Hiccup and Toothless were lurking just outside the doorway from the house where Astrid's yelling issued. It hurt Hiccup to see Astrid so unhappy, whatever she was doing. Probably sewing, judging from a pained gasp and a string of curses that followed.

"Should I talk to her and then propose? Or should I _just_ propose?" Hiccup, who was fingering the ring in his pocket, whispered to Toothless. Toothless grunted just the slightest bit and jerked his head towards the doorway.

"I know, bud, but…" Hiccup cleared his throat, "I'm not very good at singing. Do you think she'll understand what's going on? She better not point out my singing prowess."

Toothless just looked at Hiccup.

"You're right, but. I can either just dawdle around holding a staring contest with you, or I can…Yeah, I should go." With a single intake of breath, Hiccup marched himself up to the doorway and slowly, slowly opened the door. Toothless, sensing a great occurrence, wisely kept his distance.

The inside of the cottage was dark and musty. Astrid was sitting with her back to her doorway, quietly hunched over her sewing. She gave no sign of hearing him enter.

Hiccup stood a few louder steps forward, swung his arms in what he thought was a casual attitude, and whistled the first eight notes.

" _I'll swim and sail on savage seas, with ne'er a fear of drowning,"_ he sang softly. He remembered, when he was a little boy, his father telling him how he would often sing that to Hiccup's mother. Hiccup didn't have a swoon-worthy singing voice, but at least he wasn't too out of tune. He hoped.

Astrid slowly put down the sewing but she didn't turn around. She sat there, as if…she was listening. As if she understood the weight of the moment. This prompted Hiccup to continue.

" _And gladly ride the waves of life…if you will marry me_ …"

Hiccup trailed off on the last two words. This was it. _This was it._ The lyrics themselves confirmed that this was the moment where he was proposing. No turning back now.

"No scorching sun nor freezing cold," Hiccup sang more loudly. He couldn't help chuckling a little at himself. "Will stop me on my journey…" _Uh, darn._ It was now or never. He felt like such a fool, though…! He forced the nervousness out of his mind.

" _If you will promise me your heart…and love_ …" Hiccup paused. He almost forgot that in the lullaby, this was where the woman joined in. How would Astrid feel about singing back?

"… _and love me for eternity_ …" Astrid responded silently.

Hiccup's heart nearly stopped. He didn't dare breathe. _Was she really…?_

Astrid slowly swiveled around to face Hiccup. She was giving him a side smirk, that enigmatic one that was her way of showing genuine tenderness. And she sang _well,_ actually.

" _My dearest one, my darling dear_ -" she grimaced, as though she too thought proclaiming her love via singing was cheesy. " _You mighty words astound me_." She stood up and slowly walked over to Hiccup. " _But I've no need of mighty deeds when I feel your arms around me_!" Astrid, for the first time Hiccup had ever seen in his life, bashfully clapped her hands over her mouth as she melted into laughter.

Hiccup reciprocated by laughing with relief and continued. " _But I could bring you rings of gold, I'd even sing you poetry_ -" here he grabbed Astrid's hand as she smirked at the thought of Hiccup doing "poetry." " _And I would keep you from all harm_ -" they both linked hands now, " _If you would stay beside me_."

" _I have no use for rings of gold,"_ Astrid continued on smoothly, " _I care not for your poetry, I only want your hand to hold_ -"

" _I only want you near me_ ," Hiccup added. Now their hands cross-linked, and they were hopping and circling to the beat of the audiences' claps outside and Gobber's tambourine ( _How did they all find me here?_ Hiccup later thought)

" _To love and kiss to sweetly hold, for the dancing and the dreaming_ – Whooo!" Hiccup gave her an extra hard spin so that she nearly stumbled. " _For the dancing and the dreaming, Through all life's sorrows and delights, I'll keep your laugh inside me_!"

The beat was speeding up, as were the couple's dance moves, composed of elementary little skips and spins and hand-clenching. Now they were singing together. Together, in harmony, in a song of mutual affection and love.

" _I'll swim and sail the savage seas, with ne'er a fear of drowning. And gladly ride the waves so white, if you will marry meeee_!"

"Meeeeee!" Hiccup's gang chorused.

"Meeeee!" Stoic bellowed.

"Meeeeeee!" Gobber shouted, clapping with his tambourine for some time till Stoic nudged him to shut up.

The crowd burst into loud whistles, stomping of feet, and congratulatory applause as Hiccup and Astrid slowed down and Hiccup hugged Astrid, _his_ Astrid, close to his chest.

"Sorry for messing up – I tried, Astrid – it's this stupid courting ritual, I had to – those fireworks were my idea, too-" he blurted out in a rush of relief.

"Yup." Astrid suddenly, inexplicably pushed him away from herself so that Hiccup fell over backwards. "And by the way, you're a terrible singer."

"Astrid, look, I'm sorry-"

Astrid slammed into him from the ground and pinned him so that he was tightly locked in her grip.

"I kinda knew about the 'rituals' all along," she admitted. "Guess I missed the signs. But, now I see what you did. You showed me the sunset. Competed with Snotlout for my hand. Pulled fireworks messages with the twins. You went through great lengths for me, Hiccup. Don't you ever change that, you hear?" With that said, she kissed him so hard that Hiccup's head swam. The PDA wasn't helping with his chronic blushing.

"Heheh, you never told me you were such a great kisser," he chuckled weakly at her from the floor when they broke apart.

Astrid cracked her knuckles and stood up, unpinning him. "Watch me."

"Everybody calm down, now," Stoic ordered. "Gothi has something to say."

On cue, Gothi drew something in the dirt with her cane while Gobber interpreted.

" _Fine_ ," Gobber read. He broke into a teethy smile. "Hey, Hiccup, you're clear to propose now."

The crowd cheered, while Gothi shrugged decisively and nodded her head to the couple with a grandmotherly smile. Maybe, in this particular case, logic of using a less brash song as repercussion for failing all three trials didn't entirely break tradition.

After all, the rules said it had to be a _courting_ song _._ Not just that old stupid buffoon song.

"Hiccup, don't let us bother you," Stoic said.

"Oh, right," Hiccup said quickly. He fumbled for the ring, but Astrid grabbed his fist.

"First, just so you know, I make a terrible housewife," she said .

"It's _fine,_ Astrid. I can do the cooking, sewing, and cleaning myself."

Astrid nearly spluttered. "Who _are_ you, you fishbone?"

"Listen, I know it sounds kinda extreme," Hiccup chuckled awkwardly. "But Dad thought if this 'fishbone' can't be the ultimate Viking alpha, then he'd better learn some other ways to survive. It's stupid, but Astrid, I promise I'm fine with it."

Astrid raised her eyebrows as though wondering whether to believe him. She smiled and nodded to give her approval. "You can now-" she started to whisper.

"Oh! Right, right, right...Astrid, will you…" Hiccup hastily dug through his pockets and brought out the ring. "Will you-HEY!"

Toothless unexpectedly barged in between the two. To Hiccup's horror, Toothless licked up the ring! A minute later, there was a sound of a gigantic splatter; Toothless was standing in front of the couple, panting with his vomit spilled all over the floor, including the ring.

"Ah!" Hiccup facepalmed. "Toothless! On my proposal day, too?!"

Fishlegs, always the expert, spoke up while everyone doubled up in hysterical laughter. "Night Furies are extremely loyal. I think he was trying to make a point before giving you entirely away, Hiccup!"

"Toothless…" With a cringe, Hiccup swept up the ring and tried to clean away the vomit before bestowing it onto Astrid. Not that any of that mattered, anyways. He knew Astrid would accept him, vomited-infested ring, skinny fishbone figure, awkward demeanor, a heart full of love, and all he ever had to give to her.

* * *

 **Yay! Done! If you stayed till the end of this chapter, THANK YOU and I'd be immeasurably grateful if you left a final review! Maybe a solid constructive criticism if you're that type of person. :P**

 **Next step: fiction writing! So yeah, I'm making a big transition in my writing goals. I probably won't be here as often as I used to be. Okay, not even HALF as often. May be a long while. But if I ever come up with something fandom-related, I won't forget my snuggly writing-chamber on this corner of the Net.**

 **Well, wherever my future - and ideas - take me, thanks again for reading my last batch of fanfics before a good, long hiatus on here.**

 **KoolKat, signing out.**


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